i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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