I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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