I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
