Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
