My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
