I didn't shave. On purpose
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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