I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
