I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
