omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
