I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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