smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
