Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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