Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
