like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
did i just pee glitter
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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