I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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