The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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