Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
