Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
