I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
