just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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