the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
