well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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