My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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