Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
