I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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