Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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