you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize