First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
