shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
