Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
