so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
