two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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