today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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