Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
