3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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