Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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