Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
