yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
