so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
