guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
