lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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