a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
