R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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