New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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