when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
