I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
