Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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