babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
