Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
