i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
