This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
