Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
