Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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