you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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