I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
