So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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