If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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