Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
