i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
