so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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