I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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