my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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