i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
