dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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