So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
