there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
