1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize