dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
