I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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