just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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