Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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